My Your Opinion Is Wrong blog now has its own website. So, I will no longer be posting those articles here. This is where you go to read the blog from now on, including today's post. Visit the site, bookmark it, enjoy.
As a straight man in my 30s, I fall into zero of the demographics that the Golden Globes is aimed for, so I obviously didn’t watch the show, but apparently hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler made a joke about Taylor Swift staying away from Michael J. Fox’s son. I’ll go out on a limb and guess that it had something to do with Taylor Swift dating him for 3 weeks, breaking up with him, and writing a snippy song about it. Whatever the case, Swift did not take it well. From the Huffington Post:
“You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people,” Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair contributing editor Nancy Jo Sales. “Because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved, that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.’”
As expected, Fey and Poehler had great reactions.
Poehler: "Aw, I feel bad if she was upset. I am a feminist, and she is a young and talented girl. That being said, I do agree I am going to hell. But for other reasons. Mostly boring tax stuff.”
Fey: "If anyone was going to get mad at us, I thought it would be James Cameron. I did not see that one coming. It was a joke. It was a lighthearted joke."
I know girls who get along with everyone, and I know girls who seem to have feuds with everyone. (Every guy I know has a 95% approval rating.) The girls who have a feud with almost everyone, they always have an elaborate backstory for each and every feud. If you barely knew them, and you found out about one of their feuds, they'd explain it away and you'd end up taking their side. Then you'd learn about another feud, and again they'd have a great excuse, and again you'd take their side. But by the time you learn about the third feud, you begin to realize we're dealing with a pattern here. And that's Taylor Swift in a nutshell. When she was angry at her high school boyfriend and Kanye, everyone was like, "yeah Tay-Tay, you show 'em girl!" But now she's got feuds with John Mayer, British boy bands, awards show hosts and the cashier at Whole Foods. She's 6 months away from starting a feud with the green thing from Yo Gabba Gabba. Is everyone Taylor Swift has ever interacted with horrible, or is it just her? My advice for everyone, if you're currently involved in more than two feuds, take a long look in the mirror and make some life changes. Because the problem is definitely you. You can find more tips like this in my new book, "How to Win Friends and Not Be a Total Bitch," available on Amazon and in bookstore everywhere.
The Your Opinion Is Wrong blog will be taking a vacation the rest of the week. Be back Monday.
The 44-year old Burmese drug lord Naw Kham and three of his drug lord buddies were convicted of violently murdering 13 Chinese fishermen in October 2011. The incident, since dubbed the “Mekong River Massacre,” occurred when Kham and his henchmen were trying to hijack a ship filled with millions of dollars worth of methamphetamines. Kham’s crew stole the pills and shot or stabbed the fisherman, leaving them for dead. The point is, this Kham guy is a huge asshole. Luckily he was arrested and convicted in late 2012. And last Friday, his execution was televised live on China’s state television network. While they didn’t air the actual lethal injection, cameras followed Kham during his last moments and even broadcast a “chilling” interview with the killer. From the LA Times:
The live coverage showed the men being taken from their prison cells in southwestern Yunnan Province with their hands trussed behind their backs with ropes. A doctor in a white coat prepared the lethal injections.
At one point, the television broadcast cut away to show a gala-style award ceremony complete with patriotic music and small children carrying bouquets for the investigators who had worked on capturing the drug traffickers.
Chinese television also broadcast a chilling interview with Naw Kham taped earlier this week in which he said, "I am afraid of death. I want to live. I don't want to die. I have children. I am afraid."
This is why I wish we captured Bin Laden instead of killed him. In fact I’d take it a step further and put his execution on pay-per-view. We could have paid off the entire Iraq war with one two-hour special. First we'd show a 15 minute retrospective on 9/11, followed by news clips about the hunt for Bin Laden, followed by a 30 minute interview where Matt Lauer talks to Bin Laden like he's his disappointed father (the way Matt Lauer does), followed by the live execution. We could incorporate product placement - the Red Bull Lethal Injection or the Amish Fireplace Cremation. “Hey Bin Laden, while you’re burning up for all eternity in the pits of Hell, stay cool on the outside with Gillette Speed Stick!” Then we charge $49.99 a household and boom, budget deficit solved.
Two new projects I'm working on. Well, one and a half.
The Your Opinion Is Wrong blog now has its own website: http://youropinioniswrong.net
And I'm producing/hosting a new podcast for CT.com: http://ctpodcast.net
The blog is exactly the same, just in a new location. The podcast is a comedy and interview show focused on the state of Connecticut, but it's general enough that any non-CT resident can enjoy it. Visit either of the links above to find out more.
Groupon CEO Andrew Mason was terminated on Thursday of last week, which isn’t a huge shock considering the company’s declining value. What is interesting is Mason’s goodbye letter to the company. In a world of publicists and generic corporate statements, Mason’s letter stands out as surprisingly straightforward, honest and funny. He even stole one of my greatest ideas. Since I entered the business world I’ve always wanted to resign in two different ways. One, by citing “creative differences,” and two, by declaring that I would spend no additional time with my family. Here’s Mason’s full letter (via the Washington Post):
People of Groupon,
After four and a half intense and wonderful years as CEO of Groupon, I’ve decided that I’d like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding - I was fired today. If you’re wondering why... you haven’t been paying attention. From controversial metrics in our S1 to our material weakness to two quarters of missing our own expectations and a stock price that’s hovering around one quarter of our listing price, the events of the last year and a half speak for themselves. As CEO, I am accountable.
You are doing amazing things at Groupon, and you deserve the outside world to give you a second chance. I’m getting in the way of that. A fresh CEO earns you that chance. The board is aligned behind the strategy we’ve shared over the last few months, and I’ve never seen you working together more effectively as a global company - it’s time to give Groupon a relief valve from the public noise.
For those who are concerned about me, please don’t be - I love Groupon, and I’m terribly proud of what we’ve created. I’m OK with having failed at this part of the journey. If Groupon was Battletoads, it would be like I made it all the way to the Terra Tubes without dying on my first ever play through. I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to take the company this far with all of you. I’ll now take some time to decompress (FYI I’m looking for a good fat camp to lose my Groupon 40, if anyone has a suggestion), and then maybe I’ll figure out how to channel this experience into something productive.
If there’s one piece of wisdom that this simple pilgrim would like to impart upon you: have the courage to start with the customer. My biggest regrets are the moments that I let a lack of data override my intuition on what’s best for our customers. This leadership change gives you some breathing room to break bad habits and deliver sustainable customer happiness - don’t waste the opportunity!
I will miss you terribly.
This guy is 32 and has a net worth of well over $200 million. Oh and he made that money by offering people six bucks off of a hundred dollar deep tissue massage. So there's no reason to be bitter. It's like when Julia Roberts broke up with Lyle Lovett. He could have been upset that he lost one of the best-looking women in the world, but instead he was like, "joke’s on you, suckers, you shouldn’t have known my name in the first place! Lovett, out!"