CT Stories of the Week for Feb. 10th
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Friday, 10 February 2012 21:07
- Written by Tom Z
I've written another Stories of the Week for CT.com. Really had to walk a tightrope with the UConn joke. You wouldn't think a school with something called the "rape trail" would be that surprised by inappropriate humor.
CT Stories of the Week
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Friday, 03 February 2012 21:41
- Written by Tom Z
Here's another stories of the week article I wrote for CT.com. I also won a best-of-3 game of cutthroat pool against some co-workers. My productive day ever? Maybe. I can't say it wasn't.
CT.com Stories of the Week
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Monday, 30 January 2012 22:29
- Written by Tom Z
Here's something I've been doing for a couple weeks now:
CT.com's Stories of the Week: 1/27/12
I wish I had a joke to go along with this, but I just finished up a long weekend ski trip where I drank a lot of beers and got not a lot of sleep. I also barely escaped death after doing the Dumb & Dumber move where I tried to buy a bunch of beers on some random guy's tab. It works great in the movie but in real life the bartender tries to signal the guy over and you have to think up some excuse as to why you've suddenly changed your mind and want to pay yourself.
15 Great Quotes From the Book 'The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)'
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Monday, 05 December 2011 19:19
- Written by Tom Z
1) "I think people are threatened by Scientology because it seems to be the only religion that involves effort. You have to give up alcohol and pills, and you have to work to ascend levels and achieve maximum enlightenment. In other religions you just have to have faith; you don't actually have to DO anything."
2) "You could pick the better person, but if you didn't pick them for the right reasons, it's not Democracy, it's luck. The average person who goes to a voting booth is like a blindfolded kid swatting at a pinata at a Cinco de Mayo party. You might get some candy, but you also might whack Uncle Jimmy in the testicles with a baseball bat. Is that how we should choose the most powerful man on the planet?"
3) "It's funny that Scott Stapp always does Jesus poses, because even God hates Creed. It's in the Bible, look it up."
4) "Reality stars are like tampons; we can't get by without them, yet as soon as we're done with them we want to immediately throw them in the trash."
5) "I was reading an article on MSN.com earlier titled "Will Our Kids Be Dumb & Broke?," and it really made me think about... umm... something, I guess. I don't know, I was too busy sending my bank account info to this chick Natasha. She's from Russia. We met on Craigslist."
6) "All intelligent people know that it's best to have McDonald's and unprotected sex once or twice a week, max."
7) "Harriet Tubman did a great job leading the Underground Railroad, but she lacked the sex appeal to sway the media and get shit done on a national level. Seriously Tubman, would it kill you to put on a little foundation?"
8) "My grandfather always used to tell me, 'you can be a part of the problem or you can be a part of the solution.' Well I took his advice and now I'm a huge part of the problem. Thanks Grandpa!"
9) "Have you ever heard [Kevin] Federline say a single word? No, of course not, he's never been in anything besides tabloid pictures and Britney's vagina and possibly the backup dance ensemble of a boy band."
10) "Imagine Rain Man without the good looks or card-counting skills, and with rabies instead. That's every squirrel."
11) "I'm sure if I knew what sloth was I'd have a pretty good solution for it, but I'm way too lazy to look it up, so whatever."
12) "I know how easily words can be misinterpreted, so I make sure to never say a word to a black person ever."
13) "I've been a firm believer in karma ever since Radiohead's OK Computer album came out in 1997 and featured the single 'Karma Police.'"
14) "Mexico is a place you go for burritos, drunken sex and drug-related murders. I don't know why you'd be seeking out drug-related murders, but hey man, it's your life."
15) "Using cloth grocery bags sounds like a good idea, but I've tried to suffocate small children with those things and it's just not the same."
The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes) is available now! Visit the book's Amazon page here.
A college football article I wrote for CT.com
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Wednesday, 16 November 2011 02:55
- Written by Tom Z
Here's an article I wrote a couple weeks ago for CT.com about college football and specifically the LSU-Alabama game. Although the game has passed, the theme of the article is still relevant, since everyone insists on trying to determine a champion when we're still in mid-November. Let the season play out, people.
The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes) - which version should you buy?
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Wednesday, 16 November 2011 02:29
- Written by Tom Z
My book, The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes), is now available on Amazon.com. It is also available through the publisher website, or in e-book format on both Kindle and Nook.
What version should you buy?
Well, if you own a Kindle or Nook, definitely buy the e-book. The content is exactly the same and the price of the e-book is only $2.99. Use the links above or search for the book on your e-reader.
If you want the paperback, the version from the publisher website and the version on Amazon.com are exactly the same. The only difference is that I make a little more on royalties when you buy it straight from the publisher site. So if it's all the same to you, buy it from the publisher and make me an extra dollar. Of course, I recognize the convenience of buying from Amazon, so if that's what you prefer, go for it. I honestly don't care. I just want people to read it.
If you have any questions or experience problems when trying to order, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or send me a message on Twitter.
Not sure whether to get the book? Read a sample here and then decide.
'The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)' Now Available in Paperback!
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Wednesday, 02 November 2011 23:25
- Written by Tom Z
My book, The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes), is now available in paperback.
'The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)' Now Available on Nook!
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Saturday, 08 October 2011 16:39
- Written by Tom Z
My new book, The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes), which some have called the greatest book in the history of mankind (OK, that was me who said that) is now available on Barnes & Noble's Nook. I only know of one person who owns a Nook, but I'm sure there must be more of you out there. Nook owners are like Tyler Perry fans. You've never met one, you don't know who they are, but you know they exist. Show yourselves, Nook owners!
Here is the link to the book's Barnes & Noble page where you can order a copy.
The paperback is coming very soon.
Learn more about the book here.
'The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)' Now Available on Kindle!
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Tuesday, 27 September 2011 01:50
- Written by Tom Z
The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes), the greatest book in the history of mankind, is now available on the Kindle.
Here is the book's Amazon page. You can also find it by searching the Kindle library.
I tried to come up a clever sales pitch, but then I realized, the book only costs $2.99. That's the price of a cup of coffee. So for the price of a cup of coffee, you can own a book that is guaranteed to keep you entertained for a few days. Or, for the price of my book, you could get a delicious cup of coffee. Wait. Dammit. I shouldn't have told you that. You're on your way to Starbucks right now, aren't you? Damn you Starbucks, you and your delectable lattes have foiled me again!
Anyway, those of you who are still here, please buy the book. It's inexpensive and it's really good. I thank you in advance.
For those of you who don't have a Kindle, stay tuned, the paperback edition is coming soon.
Learn more about the book here.
I Wrote a Book
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Thursday, 22 September 2011 03:18
- Written by Tom Z
I wrote a book. It's called The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes). It's pretty much what the title says. If you enjoy discovering the truths behind the greatest existential mysteries of our time, or if you're a fan of prison rape jokes, then you should definitely read it.
I'm currently working on getting the book on Kindle. It should be available within a few days. When that's done, I'll work on making it available in other digital formats, then possibly in real book format, and after that, if there's time, I'll hire an old Indian tribe leader to deliver the content orally around a campfire.
All of the info about the book and any future updates can be found here.