15 Great Quotes From the Book 'The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)'
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Monday, 05 December 2011 19:19
- Written by Tom Z
1) "I think people are threatened by Scientology because it seems to be the only religion that involves effort. You have to give up alcohol and pills, and you have to work to ascend levels and achieve maximum enlightenment. In other religions you just have to have faith; you don't actually have to DO anything."
2) "You could pick the better person, but if you didn't pick them for the right reasons, it's not Democracy, it's luck. The average person who goes to a voting booth is like a blindfolded kid swatting at a pinata at a Cinco de Mayo party. You might get some candy, but you also might whack Uncle Jimmy in the testicles with a baseball bat. Is that how we should choose the most powerful man on the planet?"
3) "It's funny that Scott Stapp always does Jesus poses, because even God hates Creed. It's in the Bible, look it up."
4) "Reality stars are like tampons; we can't get by without them, yet as soon as we're done with them we want to immediately throw them in the trash."
5) "I was reading an article on MSN.com earlier titled "Will Our Kids Be Dumb & Broke?," and it really made me think about... umm... something, I guess. I don't know, I was too busy sending my bank account info to this chick Natasha. She's from Russia. We met on Craigslist."
6) "All intelligent people know that it's best to have McDonald's and unprotected sex once or twice a week, max."
7) "Harriet Tubman did a great job leading the Underground Railroad, but she lacked the sex appeal to sway the media and get shit done on a national level. Seriously Tubman, would it kill you to put on a little foundation?"
8) "My grandfather always used to tell me, 'you can be a part of the problem or you can be a part of the solution.' Well I took his advice and now I'm a huge part of the problem. Thanks Grandpa!"
9) "Have you ever heard [Kevin] Federline say a single word? No, of course not, he's never been in anything besides tabloid pictures and Britney's vagina and possibly the backup dance ensemble of a boy band."
10) "Imagine Rain Man without the good looks or card-counting skills, and with rabies instead. That's every squirrel."
11) "I'm sure if I knew what sloth was I'd have a pretty good solution for it, but I'm way too lazy to look it up, so whatever."
12) "I know how easily words can be misinterpreted, so I make sure to never say a word to a black person ever."
13) "I've been a firm believer in karma ever since Radiohead's OK Computer album came out in 1997 and featured the single 'Karma Police.'"
14) "Mexico is a place you go for burritos, drunken sex and drug-related murders. I don't know why you'd be seeking out drug-related murders, but hey man, it's your life."
15) "Using cloth grocery bags sounds like a good idea, but I've tried to suffocate small children with those things and it's just not the same."
The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes) is available now! Visit the book's Amazon page here.
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