Valentine's Day, You're Out - An except from my book, The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes)
- Details
- Category: Your Opinion is Wrong
- Published on Tuesday, February 14, 2012 - 10:56
- Written by Tom Z
[In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm posting this short excerpt from my new book, The Meaning of Life (and AIDS Jokes). This comes from a chapter entitled "The Holiday Calendar According to Tom Z," in which I get rid of useless holidays and create a new set of national celebrations for America. Get the book here.]
February – Monday after the Super Bowl – Lennon’s Day
Valentine’s Day, you’re out. I’m fine with turning a sacred idea like love into a consumerist Hallmark holiday, but I can’t support a day where the goal is to drive all single girls to suicide. Imagine if you made a holiday where all races got to celebrate, except Native Americans had to sit in the dark and cry. That's basically what Valentine's Day is, but in this case Native Americans are 24-year-old brunettes in sweatpants with ice cream all over their face. I care too much about single girls to condone that sort of thing. So instead, we replace it with Lennon’s Day, a day where we celebrate love in all its forms, be it a relationship with a spouse or the love you share with your best friend. Of course we’ll name this day after John Lennon, the number one all-time advocate of love. I toyed with the idea of making the daytime part of this holiday called Lennon’s Day and the nighttime part called Paris Hilton Night, because we all know where love leads to, but I think we’ll just stick with Lennon’s Day. And it will occur the day after the Super Bowl, because let’s be honest, no one is productive on that day anyway.
Share this post
