Rat Flavored Hot Dogs Are a Metaphor For Life
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- Category: Your Opinion is Wrong
- Published on Thursday, 21 July 2011 02:06
- Written by Tom Z
If you’ve ever been to New York City, you’ve probably seen the street vendors that sell hot dogs.
If not, there are two things you need to know about these hot dogs:
1) They’re delicious.
2) They’re most likely made of rat
One might think that rat meat in the form of a hot dog would be disgusting, but to the contrary, few dining experiences match the ecstasy that is eating a rat dog.
The appeal is simple. No one ever gets a rat dog because they were in the mood. It’s what you eat when you’re starving, and you’re pressed for time, and you just happen to pass a vendor. Say you have to catch a train, and there’s no time for dinner. Or maybe you got out of work incredibly late, you don’t feel like cooking, and you pass a vendor on the way home. No one ever seeks out the rat dog. It’s what you eat when you have no other option. But when you need it, the rat dog is always there, beckoning to the hungry like a beautiful Siren singing its sweet, sweet song. Thus it becomes a tremendous experience, like a lifeboat appearing to rescue you from the harsh sea of hunger.
Now here’s the problem: Although the rat dog is absolutely delicious going down, it makes you feel like death shortly afterwards. Once you eat a rat dog, you have about a 30-minute window before your insides start to reject the rat meat and your stomach starts turning itself inside out to spew the vile hazard from your system. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a glorious 30 minutes, but then you feel like crap for the rest of the day.
So knowing the dire after-effects of the rat dog, people are apt to avoid it, right?
Of course not. People devour rat dogs. Rat dogs are consumed in mass quantities on a daily basis. And don’t think it’s only naïve tourists eating these rat dogs. Oh no. Veteran New Yorkers love them as well. They willingly accept the death-like feeling just to have those fleeting minutes of joy that come along with eating a rat dog.
This is why the rat dog is a metaphor for life. We all know the rat dog is terrible for you. We all know that, when you consume a rat dog, the feeling of death is inevitable. And yet, so many of us eat the rat dog on a regular basis anyway. The rat dog represents the choice of smart planning vs. instant gratification.
Everyone wants to make the smart decision. We all want to do what’s best for ourselves in the long run. We all want to save for retirement, develop an exercise plan, go to church on Sundays, work with a charity and become a better person. But when it comes down to it, what do we do? We blow all our money on things we don’t need, we eat a bunch of ice cream, we get drunk on Saturday nights and sleep in late, we watch reality TV and we stay the exact same person we always have been. Why? Because it’s easier. It’s quicker. It offers an immediate result. The long-term plan might be smarter overall, but it doesn’t help us right now.
So what are we supposed to do? Do we choose instant gratification, or the more rewarding long-term plan? What will you do next time you’re put in a difficult predicament? Will you take the easy way out, or will you sacrifice short-term pleasures for a better and more meaningful existence? Will you eat the rat and ravage your stomach, or will you go hungry and save your soul?
I think I speak for all Americans when I say: I really want a fucking hot dog right now.
[Note: Most of the NYC street vendors also sell rat-flavored chicken strips. Those are somewhat better for you. You can get those instead of a hot dog, if you’re a pussy.]
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